Peter Houston: Postscript
This season saw the end of individually, Peter Houston's time as United manager and collectively, the end of the Levein-Houston era. Was it the right decision? I still to this day don't know. Does hindsight trump foresight? Probably. Should it have ended this way? No way. That the most sustained era of success for Dundee United since Wee Jim retired ended in a pissing contest between two men with over-inflated egos was criminal and embarrassing. I'll get to the 'Press Conference from Hell' at the climax.
A Team in Transition (more in need of tucking in at the back than pushing out up front if you catch my drift)
The 2010 squad was now almost completely gone with Scott Robertson, Danny Swanson, Dusan Pernis, Paul Dixon and Garry Kenneth (and Scott Allan) departing. It's funny because at the time I seemed to just shrug at this amount of quality departing (for nearly fuck-all money once again due to freedom of contract. Thon cunt Bosman was just trying to get back at United for that time Ralph Milne ripped the pish out of his team). Looking at this today I can't understand why I and other supporters were not lining up with the pitchforks and torches outside Tannadice. This was three full internationals, one (Swanson) who had been in a squad but had to pull out and one (Dixon) who would be capped within a few months of leaving (at least two years to late) and Scott Allan was an under 21 international despite all of his 'issues' with the club. Hindsight. If this word comes up a lot in this blog then I apologise but ffs 5 INTERNATIONAL PLAYERS leaving just like that. I will pick faults with Peter Houston as this goes on but trying to replicate the performances and results of the previous 3 years (and the 3 before under Craig Levein) when he was losing half a team of internationals each summer must make you question the point of working at a provincial club like United. In the end it did. Then again, you could look at each case individually; Kenneth's performance had declined over the previous season and was no longer a first pick at centre half. This appeared to be down to a combination of fitness issues affecting his performances. Firstly, he was seemingly having a lot of back problems which I can sympathise with having been bothered by my back for about 6 months because it is torture and debilitating as fuck. However, his weight had also significantly risen. This was not a simple case of the natural filling out young lads do between the ages of 18-21 though. It was, not to put too fine a point on it: a gut and erse. It is frustrating because Kenneth on his game was an excellent player who had all the tools to do well. Danny Swanson hadn't played that many games the previous season and United had worked in the background to try to help him with his mental health problems but he hardly played for over a year. His final game against Motherwell involved a bizzare situation where he was running about clearly trying to get himself sent off. It was a sad end for a cup winning legend and massive talent. Although normally I'm not bothered about ex-players once they leave I was delighted when Danny really turned it on in his 3(??) spells at St Johnstone.
Dusan leaving was at the time a parting that people kind of shrugged at. We had been spoiled by good foreign goalkeepers and although Dusan was probably the most consistent, his form had declined from his first year. A knee injury never seemed to clear up and his weight gain had become noticeable and appeared to be affecting his performance (I saw a video of him recently with his current club and I am not joking, he looked half the size he was when he left United. I don't think players diet and fitness was managed as well back then by the club as it is now). His 'bathered' demeanour started to look like he just didn't give a shit and he kept getting caught out by long range goals. The two biggest losses were definitely Dixon and Robertson. Dickers had been a consistent performer throughout his time at United and his deliveries for Jon Daly as well as his partnership with GMS made him a potent threat going forward. Robertson had been dogged by an injury for most of his first three years at United but his return to fitness coincided with the departures of Gomis and Buaben and in 2011-2012 he was like a new player. Along with John Rankin it meant we still played the same high-tempo pressing game we had done for a number of years with good all-round midfielders. Robertson was the last of a bygone era: a box-to-box midfielder. A casualty of the 2010 World Cup with the rise of the 4-2-3-1 formation and the dual holding midfielders; two players who essentially shuffle around a 20 yard square radius playing 5 yard passes and little else. Any attacking stuff is left to the number 10 who floats around in behind the striker doing no defensive work or battling with the defence ('cheats' we used to call them when I was younger). These departures meant that Peter Houston had an even bigger test in the transfer market than the season before. To be fair, he had done pretty well in 2011 in replacing Conway, Buaben, Gomis and belatedly, Webster with GMS, Flood (lost count of what spell this was), Rankin and Gunning (MK1). However, he'd also benefited from Scott Robertson's return to fitness softening the loss of Buaben and Gomis and also Keith Watson and Johnny Russell coming through to replace Kovacevic and Goodwillie.
This season though, it was fair to say the incomings were significantly poorer than the outgoings. In came Brian McLean at centre half, a good pro but wasn't great in the air for his size and was decidedly 'rigid' on the deck. The best compliment I can pay him is he was a better player than his brother is a referee. In midfield he brought in Mark Millar from Falkirk to compete with Richie Ryan who had came in the January before to play alongside John Rankin. This was really where the decision making had to be questioned. Neither of these two were bad players, in fact both were technically good players, but neither were remotely suited to our style of play. United's success in the Levein-Houston era had came from good all-round midfielders who hunted in packs, pressed quickly who could do this in a midfield pair even when outnumbered by opponents. Ryan looked more like someone who was better suited to playing in a team who played a slower-tempo, possession-based style with him either sitting, surrounded by two grafters or even further forward as a number 10, playmaker-type. Millar meanwhile, admitted he turned up to pre-season overweight and out-of-shape. To be honest, he never got to grips with the fitness required to play for United in the Premier League and kept getting pictured by fans coming out of fast food restaurants. He clearly had an eye for a pass though. You know, I wouldn't really have had a problem with signing either player if this was the start of a clear plan to change our style to suit these types of players. But instead it appeared we were just putting either Ryan or Millar (or both) into our team and expecting them to miraculously adapt into our style of play when it was clear that neither had the engine or the physicality to do it.
On paper, Michael Gardyne should have been the banker to succeed and seamlessly replace Danny Swanson. He'd taken the route that Craig Levein had always looked for; a player who had shown potential at Celtic but not made it, taken a step down to Ross County but had shown the desire to prove himself including dispatching them himself in the 2010 Scottish Cup semi. He was a creative player who could play wide or as a number 10 and scored goals. But most significantly, he was an Arab through and through who was clearly bursting to do well in his second crack at the big time. He scored a great goal in the first game against Hibs but for some reason, it just never really happened after that. Houstie didn't seem to want to play him wide right (where we clearly needed someone) and always preferred Johnny Russell up front with Jon Daly (fair enough although Daly's fitness and form shaded a bit that season at times and a different option might have been the way to go in order to manage Daly's games instead of just flogging him to death). He also didn't want to change our formation to properly accommodate Gardyne either (unless you count wide in a 4-5-1 with Daly totally isolated up front). It therefore begged the question, (like Ryan and Millar) why was he signed? Looking back, it appeared that complacency had set in and bodies were being signed to fill out the squad rather than players who would challenge and improve the team. What this meant was that we still had a strong first XI but lacked strength in depth and like-for-like replacements.
In terms of longevity, Rado Cerzniak was clearly the most successful signing of this season. However, it's fair to say he was (and remains) a marmite figure. He talked in early interviews about how he hated losing goals and would take a scadgie at defenders if he did. However, within a couple of weeks he did this to Flood who promptly told him in no uncertain terms that he would kick fuck out of him if he shouted at him like that again. Rado certainly had far more good games than bad during his time at United. However he was always prone to flogging a goal out of nowhere and tbh when the chips were down and we needed him the most at Celtic Park in May 2014 he was found wanting (he also was culpable in the semi v SEVCO, the semi v Aberdeen and countless other games against St Johnstone). Where does he rate compared to the Mad Monk, Zaluska, Weaver and Dusan? Put it this way, the Monk, Weaver and Dusan would definitely not have lost that first goal in the final against St Johnstone and Zaluska probably wouldn't have either. Rado on the other hand, lost about three like that against them in 18 months. As I said though, here were plenty of games he kept us in it along those three years and by Christ, we missed him the year after he left. Fuck me.
The season itself basically peaked in the first few weeks then never recovered any momentum thereafter. The Dynamo Moscow home game was by all accounts a great performance (I was on my honeymoon in Lanzarote but was well impressed with us from the highlights). When I phoned my mate Euan who was at the game he said that we were playing really well but you could see that Moscow were a very good team. He spent a fair bit of the phone call talking firstly about how good GMS was playing and secondly about the fisticuffs that had unfolded just a few rows in front of them in the Jim McLean stand. It would appear that some punters in our support thought the call not to get caught out with a sucker punch like last year's European game extended to them. You really have to question who decided it would be a good idea to allow both sets of supporters to share the same stand even if they were in the lower tier especially after the way that shower of mental bastards from Poland behaved the year before. I must say I about choked on my 10am lager by the pool the next day when I picked up the Daily Rangers and saw a photo of a laddie I had taught a decade before at the Johnnies clocking some Ivan with a haymaker. I wonder if he and others look back with relief that none of those Russian ultras from Euro 16 that are built like brick shithouses and train all day in MMA were there that night. Back to the football and as it turned out, we DID get caught out with a sucker punch (just like EVERY non-OF Scottish team at home in Europe), but at least had another leg to turn it around.
Up and Doon Like a Fucking Yo-Yo
Back home from honeymoon and back to see United comfortably dispatch Hibs in the league opener. It really looked like normal service had resumed. We looked like a team who just knew how to win regardless of the changes in personnel. However, our next game was out in Moscow. I was still off for almost another week and watched the game in a packed Snug on a boiling hot late afternoon. Sean Dillon was suspended so Brian McLean made his debut. The rest of the team stayed the same though and surprisingly, so did the shape as Houstie decided to go out and have a go playing 4-4-2 unlike the previous two years where he had been a bit more pragmatic with a 4-5-1, particularly in the away leg. If only more Scottish managers did the same in Europe I thought. Just go out and play your normal game I thought. Shows what I know about football I thought after getting our arses handed to us 5-0. They were a decent team who stepped things up a couple of gears. We were simply not at the races as the midfield in particular was completely over-run and we were done for pace at the back repeatedly. They had a Polish international who cost millions playing wide left who had done fuck all in the first leg but absolutely tore Keith Watson a new arsehole in Moscow. GMS, who our esteemed Chairman had bragged in the press was miles better (and therefore worth loads more money obviously, not that he was whoring him about or anything, he'd never do that would he????) than their winger hardly kicked the ball in what would be his last game for a while due to a scheduled knee operation. This operation remains something of a bone of contention for me (and only me as far as I am aware). You see, I am CONVINCED that when GMS returned from this op he had lost a yard of pace. What GMS had the season before which set him apart from any other winger we'd had for a number of years (since Andy McLaren) was not just the ability to beat a full back (either side) but most importantly, he had this wee burst of acceleration that could then leave them for dead and give him the half a yard he'd need to get an accurate cross in. The scary thing about him was that he seemed to be able to succeed in doing this virtually every time he attacked (if you don't believe me watch a re-run of the 25 minutes he was on the pitch against Celtic in the Scottish Cup before he criminally gets subbied after Robbie Nielson's red card). When he returned from his injury this wee burst of speed had disappeared. He was still nippy but all too often this season he would beat the full back but the boy would be able to catch him and stop the cross. It rendered one of our main attacking threats a little impotent. I believe it is not a coincidence that the first thing Jackie McNamara did was move GMS to the right-hand side and start to change his game from the chalk-on-the-boots left winger he was before to more of an inverted winger/number 10-type of player which requires less pace and more trickery which GMS still had in spades.
After the thrashing in Moscow, there should have been real pressure on us in our next league game. Luckily though we were playing the Fun which made it less challenging. Dundee, AKA Club 12 were really a Championship team who had been promoted by default (an asterisk beside their name if you will) due to Rangers dying. They actually should have been ahead in the first 10 minutes with Rado pulling off an unbelievable double save. However, their defence was like a pish version of McGowan, Donaldson, Durnan and Dixon (Mk2) and went all to fuck at the slightest bit if pressure. Firstly, the 'Fleet Rule' by Mad Gav then United carving them open on the break with Russell scoring. The third goal sparked SCENES and a mass fire drill the Fun end as Johnny ran half the length of the pitch before about bursting the net. I think I just looked at their supporters doing an impression of the boy who's head explodes in the movie 'Scanners'. At this stage we were top of the league you know.
I'm afraid that's as good as it got that season. In fact, if it hadn't been for the Dundee games we'd have been troubling the relegation spots by Christmas. Averaging about one win a month in the league, loads of draws and some heavy defeats was not what we'd all come to expect. We were beaten 3-1 away to Killie which could have gone either way until Barry Douglas inexplicably decided this was the moment to try and recreate that time Gordan Petric dribbled out of his own box on his debut to initially, the sound of 7000 heart attacks occurring simultaneously, followed by cheers, then people pissing themselves laughing at what they had just witnessed (he did it at Dens the week after as well, but we were all kind of egging him on the second time). Unfortunately, the only people laughing when Basher tried it were the Killie fans. Kids, if you are going to try this, make sure you are dribbling AWAY from your goal and not ACROSS the 6 yard box from outside to inside... A couple of tame 0-0's against St Johnstone and Ross Country where we looked completely devoid of ideas were followed by a 3-0 defeat against Hearts with Brian McLean playing at left back because Barry Douglas was struggling (to be fair, he has done well for himself since leaving, has a Scotland cap, a few medals, is loaded and has a stunning burd so I suppose he's had the last laugh on everyone who slagged him at United). The Hearts game was really worrying because they hadn't got any better than the season before whereas it was clear we were in decline and without GMS, looked devoid of ideas. The high point of this period was a draw against Aberdeen where we at least looked a bit more solid and up-for-it but, were playing with Jon Daly at centre half and Sean Dillon at left back because it was clear that McLean and Douglas were not cutting it there. We even had Gregory Vignal on trial at this stage and on the bench as a potential out-of-contract free transfer. A couple of years later we'd all learn how well these things worked. Or not. Our league win against Dundee was on the 19th of August and we didn't win again in the league until the 27th of October against St Mirren before getting put out the League Cup on penalties (och awa!) by Hearts that midweek in a pish game where we couldn't break down 10 men for nearly 40 minutes.
November and December were a wee bit better. GMS was back and we'd signed Rudi Skacel on a free to add a bit more creativity and firepower. Skacel by this stage was past-it though. He could still take a goal mind you but his legs had gone (his Heart also seemed to be elsewhere too). We showed some real fight against Celtic coming back from 2-0 down (inspired by GMS) to get a draw with a spectacular Efe Ambrose own goal. We then got a really good midweek win away to Motherwell with a brilliant Johnny Russell goal which involved a combination between the new 'holy trinity' of Russell, GMS and Stuart Armstrong. When these three actually started games together we looked a much better team. A lot of our games over the next few months were high scoring affairs actually. Too often they fell into a pattern though; opponents would dominate us from the off and we would look completely passive, then they would get a few goals up. The opposition would then drop off and get men behind the ball allowing us to get on the ball a lot more and it would look ridiculously one-sided, usually ending with us snatching a draw late on through GMS or Johnny Russell. Houston would then come out and talk up how well the team had responded and how exciting the finish was (which is true, it was exciting). What he was maddening for me was how he kept ignoring that each week we were shite for the first hour, kept shipping soft goals and were allowing teams to dominate us. From what I could see, the main reason we were getting back into games was because teams were dropping off and allowing us to have more of the ball, hoping to hang on to their lead, rather than us making any changes either to personnel or tactics. It wasn't like we were getting back into every game either. We had no plan B and plan A was no longer working properly.
This pattern broke for a few weeks with hammerings of Stranraer in the cup and Dundee in the league followed by a fantastic opening 10 minutes against Inverness where we went 3-0 up. Unfortunately, the complete reverse of what I have just described to you above then happened as we allowed them onto us and ended up 4-3 down before a 90th minute equaliser. Grumbles in the stands were growing. It was clear that what was in the matchday 18 week after week wasn't cutting it. Indeed, the bench increasingly consisted of Gardyne, Ryan/Millar who were the only ones who ever seemed to get put on. The others: Dow, Armstrong (who should have been starting every week), Banks then random young lads like Willie Robertson, Paddy Barrett, Dale Hilson and Luke Johnston just filled up the remaining couple of spots. We'd had a number of good years of young lads coming through during the Levein-Houston era but this appeared to be one of those lean years that every team gets in the sense that the likes of Barrett, Robertson and Johnston were nowhere near the standard of the Goodies, Watson's, Russells and Armstsongs. It suggested that there was a lack of competition for places as very good players who had departed had not been replaced whilst there were no younger ones coming through either.
Or were there??? Around this time I decided to venture up to Glebe Park to watch our Under 20s one evening, not expecting much. However, I was plesantly surprised to see a young lad at the back who strolled it a bit like a young Davie Narey. Speaking to another punter who was shouting encouragement to him, I found out this lad was called John Souttar. Another young lad playing off the strikers (Moore and Hilson) was also impressive. "His name's Ryan Gauld," I was informed. Why had I never seen these two on the pitch or on getting off the bench when we were in dire need of something different? It turns out Gauld did get on a few months earlier to good reviews against Ross County but I was at a wedding reception that Friday night. Apparently both had came through years of training from Ian Cathro, a young lad himself who apparently had some brilliantly unorthodox methods of coaching. I wasn't the only one who was asking this question, in fact others more in the know than me had been asking about Gauld on forums talking about what a phenomenal talent he was and how if he didn't start seeing some action soon he'd be offski.
Mind Made Up
Hearts 2-1 Utd 23/12/12 on Facebook
Me: "I'm sorry, but he's got to go."
HBAF: "Who?"
DE: "I missed it. That bad?"
V: "which one?"
Me: "The whole fucking lot of them. Starting with the manager. Not fucking good enough."
HBAF: "We lost 2-1. It's hardly reached that stage yet."
Me: "How is it? Its like a broken record now. Defence making mistakes week in week out. Then us taking control of the game and not winning. Thing is we are no controlling the game, other team is letting us have the ball and sitting in."
AC: "I agree with u. The back has no voice they need someone to command the back, the midfield need more creativity and speed and the fronts will be able to take the chances when they come. I don't think the manager is to blame for all of this but bought a player if only on a short term contract who doesn't really want to be there and definetly showed today no passion or desire from the one, the only Rudi!"
Went out in Forfar to watch this since I was on my Christmas holidays. The usual watering hole had an English game on so went across to the Strathie (Forfar's version of the Star Wars bar). We were utter pish in the Hearts game and so I was in a bad mood anyway. Was speaking to one of the barflies who is a good lad but of course knows everyone. Next thing this boy comes in and start speaking to him. He seems pleased United are getting beat. A few minutes later two older boys come in who I know go on a Utd supporters bus sometimes. Boy starts speaking a bit louder about how much he hates United for what they did to Rangers (Old) and how Utd supporters are cunts not realising I am within earshot. The lad I was speaking to knows I'm an arab of course and is sitting uncomfortably as this boy goes on and on and was becoming more abusive and insulting. All sorts of things went through my head at this moment I must say. About 14 million of them involved me either getting the jail for gbh, losing my job, spending Christmas in the cells in the Forfar Polis station, sitting in front of the GTC being told I'm to be struck off, getting my head kicked in (because to be fair the boy looked like he'd seen a scrap or two in his time). In the end, I chose the one scenario that involved me simply leaving a half drunk pint standing up and walking out. Posted the above comment on Facebook after the game (which I watched in another pub after trailing about trying to find one which had it on). "Why do cunts like that get away with it?": I wondered when I was walking back home still pissed right off.
Celtic 4-0 Utd 22/01/13
Our record against Celtic is shite especially down there. We didn't even try to have a go this time. 4-5-1 with 3 defensive midfielders and Jon Daly totally isolated up front. Watching in the stands is Partick Thistle manager Jackie McNamara who notes that our formation isn't working and the team looks really unfit. Playing badminton instead of training will do that (allegedly). Then again, so will just not bothering training the team (allegedly).
Utd 1-1 Ross County 26/01/13
I can't remember if this was the game or not but Houston got absolute dogs abuse at half-time walking down the track around this time from an exasperated support. Too many rumours were now kicking about. Fuck knows if they were true or not. Contracts, badminton, training, distractions, fall-outs, tools being downed were all mentioned. It is interesting how there are never any rumours when a team is playing well. Most of these were thrown at Houstie in a very unsavoury 30 seconds. No support are angels, including ours. They are also human beings too who love the club and sometimes your feelings can get the better of you momentarily.
90 minutes: The score (after a dire match) is 1-1. But, United have a throw in deep in their half with a little bit of injury time remaining.
Houstie signals to the linesman. Defensive midfielder Richie Ryan is readied to go on to replace Johnny Russell who is not showing any signs of injury.
Me shouting up to HBAF in the ET Lower: "Is he taking the piss?"
HBAF bursts out laughing and throws his hands up in the air.
I know that it wasn't, and he'll always be a legend not only for winning the cup but for delivering some amazing stuff for years before and after it in my eyes, but at the time this move felt like a two's up to the support by Houstie. It was to be his second last act as United manager. Judging by his last act, maybe it wasn't the support that he was flicking the v's to.
The Press Conference From Hell
In June 1990, The Stone Roses requested the world's music media assemble at a hotel in Manchester a day prior to their cultural zenith at Spike Island. This band had seen a meteoric rise to fame from playing gigs to less than 100 people to playing 28,000 in under a year. The media sensing that this was the moment the Manchester's best kept secret and a notoriously secretive band would 'go overground' and announce themselves to the world the way that most bands do by playing the media game, answering all their questions to generate even more hype for their sell-out and televised gig. Only Live Aid-style gigs with the likes of Queen and U2 were ever televised nationwide at that time. What followed was dubbed, "The Press Conference From Hell," as the Roses stonewalled questions, fed bemused American journalists Manc sarcasm, was repeatedly interrupted by a mate of the band who was either pissed/stoned/off his tree/all three shouting, "OOOOHHHHHHHH IIINNNN TTTTHHHEEE AAARRREEEEEAAAA!!!!!" and eventually led to one journo losing the plot with the band for setting the whole thing up in order to take the piss out of the press. This then led to near fisticuffs as the pissed-up mate tried to have a pop at everyone in general and this journalist in particular whilst Ian Brown casually lit up another fag and wondered what all the fuss was about.
The Press Conference From Hell
On the 17th January 2013, Dundee United requested the nations football media assemble at Tannadice to announce the nadir of the Levein-Houston era. The club had seen a meteoric return to fame from playing to crowds of about 4000 under Craig Brewster in 2006 to 28,000 at Hampden just four years later. The media sensing this was the moment they could stick the knife into Stephen Thompson for killing Rangers or something equally far-fetched gathered, eagerly anticipating a sacking of the clubs most successful manager since Jim McLean. Only SEVCO AGM's to plea for the millions needed to get them out of the seaside leagues and to declare their latest made-up greivance were normally televised on the lunchtime news on BBC Scotland. What followed was dubbed, "The Press Conference From Hell," as Thompson stonewalled questions about how fucked Uniteds finances really were and why he hadn't properly backed the best manager we'd had for donkeys years, Houstie declared that we were probably going to finish bottom six and we had three sellable assets if anyone was interested then gave a list of when they were all out of contract, whilst the really pissed off Partick Thistle Chairman kept distracting Thompson texting, "OOOOHHHHHH JJJJJAAAAACCCCKKKKKIIIIIIEEEEE'SSSSS NNNNOOOOOOTTTTTT CCCCOOOOMMMMIIIINNNN TTTTTTOOOOO YYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUURRRRR AAAAAARRRRREEEEAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" and eventually led to Jim Spence asking about how difficult it would be for the next manager to work under these constraints to which Houstie said it was not about money for him (even though rumours had been circulating around Dundee for about two months that it was) and instead that it was about all the players we'd sold. This led to near online fisticuffs as the pissed off Partick Chairman threatened to sue everyone who looked at him funny, some fans had a pop at Houstie for not wanting to give young players a chance and making excuses for his failings in the transfer market and mediocre 4-5-1 football all season, others had a pop at Thompson for refusing to back the manager, allowing players to be sold, continually talking about us being skint whilst apparently being more interested in getting back his families (considerable) investment in the club by any means neccessary. The video ended with all parties looking stonefaced with no idea how much of a fuss this would cause.
The Battle of the Baldies
Could it be possible for both to be wrong and right at the same time? Thompson for allowing years of under-investment at certain levels (and relying on the managers and youth system to pull rabbits out of the hat) to start to catch-up? For continually moaning about money but not really looking for a buyer and taking a hefty salary out of the club? But, at the same time not wanting the club to keep running at such a loss putting it's very being at risk and apparently offering Houstie the best non-Celtic salary in the division? Houstie for taking his eye off the ball that season? For a set of pish signings which, bar Rado, came nowhere close to replacing the players who had left (even though none of the ones who'd left actually cost any money in the first place suggesting the quality of scouting had been allowed to decline)? For playing an aging Jon Daly up front on his own for loads of games that season with no support? For not giving the younger ones enough game time and even saying in the final presser that they weren't ready (in just over a year one would leave for £2.5 million)? Lets face it though, Houstie was 100% proved right on United just selling off their assets and making the managers job harder year on year leading to our eventual relegation. But at the same time Houstie could have been the one to nurture the up and coming group we had at the club. Who do I think should have gone in the Battle of the Baldies? (Sorry)
Both.
We're in the Endgame Now
On the 21st of May 2016, I went along to the West End Bar in Forfar to watch the Scottish Cup Final on tv. Not by choice, she'd kicked me out because she had recorded a weeks worth of episodes of Doctors or something and wanted to watch them. I gets into the pub, standing room only, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone who was likely to recognise me and want to talk about United getting relegated or how it could have been us in the final had we not been so shite at well... everything that season. As it was so busy it wasn't until later in the game that I noticed (well heard actually) a familiar voice sitting across the pub, making sectarian jibes, talking up players for, "The Rangers," and veciferously denying they were any different than before 2012 then exploding with joy when his beloved team went 2-1 up through Andy Halliday ("a fucking true proddy"). Realising that it was the cunt I had left the pub to avoid chinning three years earlier during the Hearts game in 2012, I was actually wondering if this year could get any worse. Until this happened anyway:
Funny how it is the The Rangers fans who always speak about karma. Maybe there is something in it after all. I quietly stood and finished my pint, took a couple of sneaky photos (which I have lost unfortunately) of the cunt with his head in his hands greeting then left with a spring in my step.
This season saw the end of individually, Peter Houston's time as United manager and collectively, the end of the Levein-Houston era. Was it the right decision? I still to this day don't know. Does hindsight trump foresight? Probably. Should it have ended this way? No way. That the most sustained era of success for Dundee United since Wee Jim retired ended in a pissing contest between two men with over-inflated egos was criminal and embarrassing. I'll get to the 'Press Conference from Hell' at the climax.
A Team in Transition (more in need of tucking in at the back than pushing out up front if you catch my drift)
The 2010 squad was now almost completely gone with Scott Robertson, Danny Swanson, Dusan Pernis, Paul Dixon and Garry Kenneth (and Scott Allan) departing. It's funny because at the time I seemed to just shrug at this amount of quality departing (for nearly fuck-all money once again due to freedom of contract. Thon cunt Bosman was just trying to get back at United for that time Ralph Milne ripped the pish out of his team). Looking at this today I can't understand why I and other supporters were not lining up with the pitchforks and torches outside Tannadice. This was three full internationals, one (Swanson) who had been in a squad but had to pull out and one (Dixon) who would be capped within a few months of leaving (at least two years to late) and Scott Allan was an under 21 international despite all of his 'issues' with the club. Hindsight. If this word comes up a lot in this blog then I apologise but ffs 5 INTERNATIONAL PLAYERS leaving just like that. I will pick faults with Peter Houston as this goes on but trying to replicate the performances and results of the previous 3 years (and the 3 before under Craig Levein) when he was losing half a team of internationals each summer must make you question the point of working at a provincial club like United. In the end it did. Then again, you could look at each case individually; Kenneth's performance had declined over the previous season and was no longer a first pick at centre half. This appeared to be down to a combination of fitness issues affecting his performances. Firstly, he was seemingly having a lot of back problems which I can sympathise with having been bothered by my back for about 6 months because it is torture and debilitating as fuck. However, his weight had also significantly risen. This was not a simple case of the natural filling out young lads do between the ages of 18-21 though. It was, not to put too fine a point on it: a gut and erse. It is frustrating because Kenneth on his game was an excellent player who had all the tools to do well. Danny Swanson hadn't played that many games the previous season and United had worked in the background to try to help him with his mental health problems but he hardly played for over a year. His final game against Motherwell involved a bizzare situation where he was running about clearly trying to get himself sent off. It was a sad end for a cup winning legend and massive talent. Although normally I'm not bothered about ex-players once they leave I was delighted when Danny really turned it on in his 3(??) spells at St Johnstone.
Dusan leaving was at the time a parting that people kind of shrugged at. We had been spoiled by good foreign goalkeepers and although Dusan was probably the most consistent, his form had declined from his first year. A knee injury never seemed to clear up and his weight gain had become noticeable and appeared to be affecting his performance (I saw a video of him recently with his current club and I am not joking, he looked half the size he was when he left United. I don't think players diet and fitness was managed as well back then by the club as it is now). His 'bathered' demeanour started to look like he just didn't give a shit and he kept getting caught out by long range goals. The two biggest losses were definitely Dixon and Robertson. Dickers had been a consistent performer throughout his time at United and his deliveries for Jon Daly as well as his partnership with GMS made him a potent threat going forward. Robertson had been dogged by an injury for most of his first three years at United but his return to fitness coincided with the departures of Gomis and Buaben and in 2011-2012 he was like a new player. Along with John Rankin it meant we still played the same high-tempo pressing game we had done for a number of years with good all-round midfielders. Robertson was the last of a bygone era: a box-to-box midfielder. A casualty of the 2010 World Cup with the rise of the 4-2-3-1 formation and the dual holding midfielders; two players who essentially shuffle around a 20 yard square radius playing 5 yard passes and little else. Any attacking stuff is left to the number 10 who floats around in behind the striker doing no defensive work or battling with the defence ('cheats' we used to call them when I was younger). These departures meant that Peter Houston had an even bigger test in the transfer market than the season before. To be fair, he had done pretty well in 2011 in replacing Conway, Buaben, Gomis and belatedly, Webster with GMS, Flood (lost count of what spell this was), Rankin and Gunning (MK1). However, he'd also benefited from Scott Robertson's return to fitness softening the loss of Buaben and Gomis and also Keith Watson and Johnny Russell coming through to replace Kovacevic and Goodwillie.
This season though, it was fair to say the incomings were significantly poorer than the outgoings. In came Brian McLean at centre half, a good pro but wasn't great in the air for his size and was decidedly 'rigid' on the deck. The best compliment I can pay him is he was a better player than his brother is a referee. In midfield he brought in Mark Millar from Falkirk to compete with Richie Ryan who had came in the January before to play alongside John Rankin. This was really where the decision making had to be questioned. Neither of these two were bad players, in fact both were technically good players, but neither were remotely suited to our style of play. United's success in the Levein-Houston era had came from good all-round midfielders who hunted in packs, pressed quickly who could do this in a midfield pair even when outnumbered by opponents. Ryan looked more like someone who was better suited to playing in a team who played a slower-tempo, possession-based style with him either sitting, surrounded by two grafters or even further forward as a number 10, playmaker-type. Millar meanwhile, admitted he turned up to pre-season overweight and out-of-shape. To be honest, he never got to grips with the fitness required to play for United in the Premier League and kept getting pictured by fans coming out of fast food restaurants. He clearly had an eye for a pass though. You know, I wouldn't really have had a problem with signing either player if this was the start of a clear plan to change our style to suit these types of players. But instead it appeared we were just putting either Ryan or Millar (or both) into our team and expecting them to miraculously adapt into our style of play when it was clear that neither had the engine or the physicality to do it.
On paper, Michael Gardyne should have been the banker to succeed and seamlessly replace Danny Swanson. He'd taken the route that Craig Levein had always looked for; a player who had shown potential at Celtic but not made it, taken a step down to Ross County but had shown the desire to prove himself including dispatching them himself in the 2010 Scottish Cup semi. He was a creative player who could play wide or as a number 10 and scored goals. But most significantly, he was an Arab through and through who was clearly bursting to do well in his second crack at the big time. He scored a great goal in the first game against Hibs but for some reason, it just never really happened after that. Houstie didn't seem to want to play him wide right (where we clearly needed someone) and always preferred Johnny Russell up front with Jon Daly (fair enough although Daly's fitness and form shaded a bit that season at times and a different option might have been the way to go in order to manage Daly's games instead of just flogging him to death). He also didn't want to change our formation to properly accommodate Gardyne either (unless you count wide in a 4-5-1 with Daly totally isolated up front). It therefore begged the question, (like Ryan and Millar) why was he signed? Looking back, it appeared that complacency had set in and bodies were being signed to fill out the squad rather than players who would challenge and improve the team. What this meant was that we still had a strong first XI but lacked strength in depth and like-for-like replacements.
In terms of longevity, Rado Cerzniak was clearly the most successful signing of this season. However, it's fair to say he was (and remains) a marmite figure. He talked in early interviews about how he hated losing goals and would take a scadgie at defenders if he did. However, within a couple of weeks he did this to Flood who promptly told him in no uncertain terms that he would kick fuck out of him if he shouted at him like that again. Rado certainly had far more good games than bad during his time at United. However he was always prone to flogging a goal out of nowhere and tbh when the chips were down and we needed him the most at Celtic Park in May 2014 he was found wanting (he also was culpable in the semi v SEVCO, the semi v Aberdeen and countless other games against St Johnstone). Where does he rate compared to the Mad Monk, Zaluska, Weaver and Dusan? Put it this way, the Monk, Weaver and Dusan would definitely not have lost that first goal in the final against St Johnstone and Zaluska probably wouldn't have either. Rado on the other hand, lost about three like that against them in 18 months. As I said though, here were plenty of games he kept us in it along those three years and by Christ, we missed him the year after he left. Fuck me.
The season itself basically peaked in the first few weeks then never recovered any momentum thereafter. The Dynamo Moscow home game was by all accounts a great performance (I was on my honeymoon in Lanzarote but was well impressed with us from the highlights). When I phoned my mate Euan who was at the game he said that we were playing really well but you could see that Moscow were a very good team. He spent a fair bit of the phone call talking firstly about how good GMS was playing and secondly about the fisticuffs that had unfolded just a few rows in front of them in the Jim McLean stand. It would appear that some punters in our support thought the call not to get caught out with a sucker punch like last year's European game extended to them. You really have to question who decided it would be a good idea to allow both sets of supporters to share the same stand even if they were in the lower tier especially after the way that shower of mental bastards from Poland behaved the year before. I must say I about choked on my 10am lager by the pool the next day when I picked up the Daily Rangers and saw a photo of a laddie I had taught a decade before at the Johnnies clocking some Ivan with a haymaker. I wonder if he and others look back with relief that none of those Russian ultras from Euro 16 that are built like brick shithouses and train all day in MMA were there that night. Back to the football and as it turned out, we DID get caught out with a sucker punch (just like EVERY non-OF Scottish team at home in Europe), but at least had another leg to turn it around.
Up and Doon Like a Fucking Yo-Yo
Back home from honeymoon and back to see United comfortably dispatch Hibs in the league opener. It really looked like normal service had resumed. We looked like a team who just knew how to win regardless of the changes in personnel. However, our next game was out in Moscow. I was still off for almost another week and watched the game in a packed Snug on a boiling hot late afternoon. Sean Dillon was suspended so Brian McLean made his debut. The rest of the team stayed the same though and surprisingly, so did the shape as Houstie decided to go out and have a go playing 4-4-2 unlike the previous two years where he had been a bit more pragmatic with a 4-5-1, particularly in the away leg. If only more Scottish managers did the same in Europe I thought. Just go out and play your normal game I thought. Shows what I know about football I thought after getting our arses handed to us 5-0. They were a decent team who stepped things up a couple of gears. We were simply not at the races as the midfield in particular was completely over-run and we were done for pace at the back repeatedly. They had a Polish international who cost millions playing wide left who had done fuck all in the first leg but absolutely tore Keith Watson a new arsehole in Moscow. GMS, who our esteemed Chairman had bragged in the press was miles better (and therefore worth loads more money obviously, not that he was whoring him about or anything, he'd never do that would he????) than their winger hardly kicked the ball in what would be his last game for a while due to a scheduled knee operation. This operation remains something of a bone of contention for me (and only me as far as I am aware). You see, I am CONVINCED that when GMS returned from this op he had lost a yard of pace. What GMS had the season before which set him apart from any other winger we'd had for a number of years (since Andy McLaren) was not just the ability to beat a full back (either side) but most importantly, he had this wee burst of acceleration that could then leave them for dead and give him the half a yard he'd need to get an accurate cross in. The scary thing about him was that he seemed to be able to succeed in doing this virtually every time he attacked (if you don't believe me watch a re-run of the 25 minutes he was on the pitch against Celtic in the Scottish Cup before he criminally gets subbied after Robbie Nielson's red card). When he returned from his injury this wee burst of speed had disappeared. He was still nippy but all too often this season he would beat the full back but the boy would be able to catch him and stop the cross. It rendered one of our main attacking threats a little impotent. I believe it is not a coincidence that the first thing Jackie McNamara did was move GMS to the right-hand side and start to change his game from the chalk-on-the-boots left winger he was before to more of an inverted winger/number 10-type of player which requires less pace and more trickery which GMS still had in spades.
After the thrashing in Moscow, there should have been real pressure on us in our next league game. Luckily though we were playing the Fun which made it less challenging. Dundee, AKA Club 12 were really a Championship team who had been promoted by default (an asterisk beside their name if you will) due to Rangers dying. They actually should have been ahead in the first 10 minutes with Rado pulling off an unbelievable double save. However, their defence was like a pish version of McGowan, Donaldson, Durnan and Dixon (Mk2) and went all to fuck at the slightest bit if pressure. Firstly, the 'Fleet Rule' by Mad Gav then United carving them open on the break with Russell scoring. The third goal sparked SCENES and a mass fire drill the Fun end as Johnny ran half the length of the pitch before about bursting the net. I think I just looked at their supporters doing an impression of the boy who's head explodes in the movie 'Scanners'. At this stage we were top of the league you know.
I'm afraid that's as good as it got that season. In fact, if it hadn't been for the Dundee games we'd have been troubling the relegation spots by Christmas. Averaging about one win a month in the league, loads of draws and some heavy defeats was not what we'd all come to expect. We were beaten 3-1 away to Killie which could have gone either way until Barry Douglas inexplicably decided this was the moment to try and recreate that time Gordan Petric dribbled out of his own box on his debut to initially, the sound of 7000 heart attacks occurring simultaneously, followed by cheers, then people pissing themselves laughing at what they had just witnessed (he did it at Dens the week after as well, but we were all kind of egging him on the second time). Unfortunately, the only people laughing when Basher tried it were the Killie fans. Kids, if you are going to try this, make sure you are dribbling AWAY from your goal and not ACROSS the 6 yard box from outside to inside... A couple of tame 0-0's against St Johnstone and Ross Country where we looked completely devoid of ideas were followed by a 3-0 defeat against Hearts with Brian McLean playing at left back because Barry Douglas was struggling (to be fair, he has done well for himself since leaving, has a Scotland cap, a few medals, is loaded and has a stunning burd so I suppose he's had the last laugh on everyone who slagged him at United). The Hearts game was really worrying because they hadn't got any better than the season before whereas it was clear we were in decline and without GMS, looked devoid of ideas. The high point of this period was a draw against Aberdeen where we at least looked a bit more solid and up-for-it but, were playing with Jon Daly at centre half and Sean Dillon at left back because it was clear that McLean and Douglas were not cutting it there. We even had Gregory Vignal on trial at this stage and on the bench as a potential out-of-contract free transfer. A couple of years later we'd all learn how well these things worked. Or not. Our league win against Dundee was on the 19th of August and we didn't win again in the league until the 27th of October against St Mirren before getting put out the League Cup on penalties (och awa!) by Hearts that midweek in a pish game where we couldn't break down 10 men for nearly 40 minutes.
November and December were a wee bit better. GMS was back and we'd signed Rudi Skacel on a free to add a bit more creativity and firepower. Skacel by this stage was past-it though. He could still take a goal mind you but his legs had gone (his Heart also seemed to be elsewhere too). We showed some real fight against Celtic coming back from 2-0 down (inspired by GMS) to get a draw with a spectacular Efe Ambrose own goal. We then got a really good midweek win away to Motherwell with a brilliant Johnny Russell goal which involved a combination between the new 'holy trinity' of Russell, GMS and Stuart Armstrong. When these three actually started games together we looked a much better team. A lot of our games over the next few months were high scoring affairs actually. Too often they fell into a pattern though; opponents would dominate us from the off and we would look completely passive, then they would get a few goals up. The opposition would then drop off and get men behind the ball allowing us to get on the ball a lot more and it would look ridiculously one-sided, usually ending with us snatching a draw late on through GMS or Johnny Russell. Houston would then come out and talk up how well the team had responded and how exciting the finish was (which is true, it was exciting). What he was maddening for me was how he kept ignoring that each week we were shite for the first hour, kept shipping soft goals and were allowing teams to dominate us. From what I could see, the main reason we were getting back into games was because teams were dropping off and allowing us to have more of the ball, hoping to hang on to their lead, rather than us making any changes either to personnel or tactics. It wasn't like we were getting back into every game either. We had no plan B and plan A was no longer working properly.
This pattern broke for a few weeks with hammerings of Stranraer in the cup and Dundee in the league followed by a fantastic opening 10 minutes against Inverness where we went 3-0 up. Unfortunately, the complete reverse of what I have just described to you above then happened as we allowed them onto us and ended up 4-3 down before a 90th minute equaliser. Grumbles in the stands were growing. It was clear that what was in the matchday 18 week after week wasn't cutting it. Indeed, the bench increasingly consisted of Gardyne, Ryan/Millar who were the only ones who ever seemed to get put on. The others: Dow, Armstrong (who should have been starting every week), Banks then random young lads like Willie Robertson, Paddy Barrett, Dale Hilson and Luke Johnston just filled up the remaining couple of spots. We'd had a number of good years of young lads coming through during the Levein-Houston era but this appeared to be one of those lean years that every team gets in the sense that the likes of Barrett, Robertson and Johnston were nowhere near the standard of the Goodies, Watson's, Russells and Armstsongs. It suggested that there was a lack of competition for places as very good players who had departed had not been replaced whilst there were no younger ones coming through either.
Or were there??? Around this time I decided to venture up to Glebe Park to watch our Under 20s one evening, not expecting much. However, I was plesantly surprised to see a young lad at the back who strolled it a bit like a young Davie Narey. Speaking to another punter who was shouting encouragement to him, I found out this lad was called John Souttar. Another young lad playing off the strikers (Moore and Hilson) was also impressive. "His name's Ryan Gauld," I was informed. Why had I never seen these two on the pitch or on getting off the bench when we were in dire need of something different? It turns out Gauld did get on a few months earlier to good reviews against Ross County but I was at a wedding reception that Friday night. Apparently both had came through years of training from Ian Cathro, a young lad himself who apparently had some brilliantly unorthodox methods of coaching. I wasn't the only one who was asking this question, in fact others more in the know than me had been asking about Gauld on forums talking about what a phenomenal talent he was and how if he didn't start seeing some action soon he'd be offski.
Mind Made Up
Hearts 2-1 Utd 23/12/12 on Facebook
Me: "I'm sorry, but he's got to go."
HBAF: "Who?"
DE: "I missed it. That bad?"
V: "which one?"
Me: "The whole fucking lot of them. Starting with the manager. Not fucking good enough."
HBAF: "We lost 2-1. It's hardly reached that stage yet."
Me: "How is it? Its like a broken record now. Defence making mistakes week in week out. Then us taking control of the game and not winning. Thing is we are no controlling the game, other team is letting us have the ball and sitting in."
AC: "I agree with u. The back has no voice they need someone to command the back, the midfield need more creativity and speed and the fronts will be able to take the chances when they come. I don't think the manager is to blame for all of this but bought a player if only on a short term contract who doesn't really want to be there and definetly showed today no passion or desire from the one, the only Rudi!"
Went out in Forfar to watch this since I was on my Christmas holidays. The usual watering hole had an English game on so went across to the Strathie (Forfar's version of the Star Wars bar). We were utter pish in the Hearts game and so I was in a bad mood anyway. Was speaking to one of the barflies who is a good lad but of course knows everyone. Next thing this boy comes in and start speaking to him. He seems pleased United are getting beat. A few minutes later two older boys come in who I know go on a Utd supporters bus sometimes. Boy starts speaking a bit louder about how much he hates United for what they did to Rangers (Old) and how Utd supporters are cunts not realising I am within earshot. The lad I was speaking to knows I'm an arab of course and is sitting uncomfortably as this boy goes on and on and was becoming more abusive and insulting. All sorts of things went through my head at this moment I must say. About 14 million of them involved me either getting the jail for gbh, losing my job, spending Christmas in the cells in the Forfar Polis station, sitting in front of the GTC being told I'm to be struck off, getting my head kicked in (because to be fair the boy looked like he'd seen a scrap or two in his time). In the end, I chose the one scenario that involved me simply leaving a half drunk pint standing up and walking out. Posted the above comment on Facebook after the game (which I watched in another pub after trailing about trying to find one which had it on). "Why do cunts like that get away with it?": I wondered when I was walking back home still pissed right off.
Celtic 4-0 Utd 22/01/13
Our record against Celtic is shite especially down there. We didn't even try to have a go this time. 4-5-1 with 3 defensive midfielders and Jon Daly totally isolated up front. Watching in the stands is Partick Thistle manager Jackie McNamara who notes that our formation isn't working and the team looks really unfit. Playing badminton instead of training will do that (allegedly). Then again, so will just not bothering training the team (allegedly).
Utd 1-1 Ross County 26/01/13
I can't remember if this was the game or not but Houston got absolute dogs abuse at half-time walking down the track around this time from an exasperated support. Too many rumours were now kicking about. Fuck knows if they were true or not. Contracts, badminton, training, distractions, fall-outs, tools being downed were all mentioned. It is interesting how there are never any rumours when a team is playing well. Most of these were thrown at Houstie in a very unsavoury 30 seconds. No support are angels, including ours. They are also human beings too who love the club and sometimes your feelings can get the better of you momentarily.
90 minutes: The score (after a dire match) is 1-1. But, United have a throw in deep in their half with a little bit of injury time remaining.
Houstie signals to the linesman. Defensive midfielder Richie Ryan is readied to go on to replace Johnny Russell who is not showing any signs of injury.
Me shouting up to HBAF in the ET Lower: "Is he taking the piss?"
HBAF bursts out laughing and throws his hands up in the air.
I know that it wasn't, and he'll always be a legend not only for winning the cup but for delivering some amazing stuff for years before and after it in my eyes, but at the time this move felt like a two's up to the support by Houstie. It was to be his second last act as United manager. Judging by his last act, maybe it wasn't the support that he was flicking the v's to.
The Press Conference From Hell
In June 1990, The Stone Roses requested the world's music media assemble at a hotel in Manchester a day prior to their cultural zenith at Spike Island. This band had seen a meteoric rise to fame from playing gigs to less than 100 people to playing 28,000 in under a year. The media sensing that this was the moment the Manchester's best kept secret and a notoriously secretive band would 'go overground' and announce themselves to the world the way that most bands do by playing the media game, answering all their questions to generate even more hype for their sell-out and televised gig. Only Live Aid-style gigs with the likes of Queen and U2 were ever televised nationwide at that time. What followed was dubbed, "The Press Conference From Hell," as the Roses stonewalled questions, fed bemused American journalists Manc sarcasm, was repeatedly interrupted by a mate of the band who was either pissed/stoned/off his tree/all three shouting, "OOOOHHHHHHHH IIINNNN TTTTHHHEEE AAARRREEEEEAAAA!!!!!" and eventually led to one journo losing the plot with the band for setting the whole thing up in order to take the piss out of the press. This then led to near fisticuffs as the pissed-up mate tried to have a pop at everyone in general and this journalist in particular whilst Ian Brown casually lit up another fag and wondered what all the fuss was about.
The Press Conference From Hell
On the 17th January 2013, Dundee United requested the nations football media assemble at Tannadice to announce the nadir of the Levein-Houston era. The club had seen a meteoric return to fame from playing to crowds of about 4000 under Craig Brewster in 2006 to 28,000 at Hampden just four years later. The media sensing this was the moment they could stick the knife into Stephen Thompson for killing Rangers or something equally far-fetched gathered, eagerly anticipating a sacking of the clubs most successful manager since Jim McLean. Only SEVCO AGM's to plea for the millions needed to get them out of the seaside leagues and to declare their latest made-up greivance were normally televised on the lunchtime news on BBC Scotland. What followed was dubbed, "The Press Conference From Hell," as Thompson stonewalled questions about how fucked Uniteds finances really were and why he hadn't properly backed the best manager we'd had for donkeys years, Houstie declared that we were probably going to finish bottom six and we had three sellable assets if anyone was interested then gave a list of when they were all out of contract, whilst the really pissed off Partick Thistle Chairman kept distracting Thompson texting, "OOOOHHHHHH JJJJJAAAAACCCCKKKKKIIIIIIEEEEE'SSSSS NNNNOOOOOOTTTTTT CCCCOOOOMMMMIIIINNNN TTTTTTOOOOO YYYYYYOOOOOOOUUUUUURRRRR AAAAAARRRRREEEEAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" and eventually led to Jim Spence asking about how difficult it would be for the next manager to work under these constraints to which Houstie said it was not about money for him (even though rumours had been circulating around Dundee for about two months that it was) and instead that it was about all the players we'd sold. This led to near online fisticuffs as the pissed off Partick Chairman threatened to sue everyone who looked at him funny, some fans had a pop at Houstie for not wanting to give young players a chance and making excuses for his failings in the transfer market and mediocre 4-5-1 football all season, others had a pop at Thompson for refusing to back the manager, allowing players to be sold, continually talking about us being skint whilst apparently being more interested in getting back his families (considerable) investment in the club by any means neccessary. The video ended with all parties looking stonefaced with no idea how much of a fuss this would cause.
The Battle of the Baldies
Despite putting a brave face on it, the straight version of Right Said Fred was never really going to work out as well.
Could it be possible for both to be wrong and right at the same time? Thompson for allowing years of under-investment at certain levels (and relying on the managers and youth system to pull rabbits out of the hat) to start to catch-up? For continually moaning about money but not really looking for a buyer and taking a hefty salary out of the club? But, at the same time not wanting the club to keep running at such a loss putting it's very being at risk and apparently offering Houstie the best non-Celtic salary in the division? Houstie for taking his eye off the ball that season? For a set of pish signings which, bar Rado, came nowhere close to replacing the players who had left (even though none of the ones who'd left actually cost any money in the first place suggesting the quality of scouting had been allowed to decline)? For playing an aging Jon Daly up front on his own for loads of games that season with no support? For not giving the younger ones enough game time and even saying in the final presser that they weren't ready (in just over a year one would leave for £2.5 million)? Lets face it though, Houstie was 100% proved right on United just selling off their assets and making the managers job harder year on year leading to our eventual relegation. But at the same time Houstie could have been the one to nurture the up and coming group we had at the club. Who do I think should have gone in the Battle of the Baldies? (Sorry)
Both.
We're in the Endgame Now
On the 21st of May 2016, I went along to the West End Bar in Forfar to watch the Scottish Cup Final on tv. Not by choice, she'd kicked me out because she had recorded a weeks worth of episodes of Doctors or something and wanted to watch them. I gets into the pub, standing room only, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone who was likely to recognise me and want to talk about United getting relegated or how it could have been us in the final had we not been so shite at well... everything that season. As it was so busy it wasn't until later in the game that I noticed (well heard actually) a familiar voice sitting across the pub, making sectarian jibes, talking up players for, "The Rangers," and veciferously denying they were any different than before 2012 then exploding with joy when his beloved team went 2-1 up through Andy Halliday ("a fucking true proddy"). Realising that it was the cunt I had left the pub to avoid chinning three years earlier during the Hearts game in 2012, I was actually wondering if this year could get any worse. Until this happened anyway:
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