2010-2019: The Bipolar Years (Part 1-2010, We've Done it Again)

Dec 30^th 2009: Panic on the streets of Dublin and Dundee (but not Humberside)

The bipolar years actually started a couple of days before the decade did. A 7-1 defeat.  To Rangers (RIP). Trudging out of Ibrox at 5-1 then hearing a roar go up as number 6 went in then hearing about number 7 go in on the radio as my mate profusely apologised for badgering us to go to the game is as bad as it gets.  However, the match itself set the tone for the decade to follow. Why? After a horrendous first half when Utd were 3-0 down, we actually played really well for about 20 minutes, scoring once and should have done so again. If we had, we’d have got something from the game. We then made two bad mistakes and just collapsed.  How could we go from being so totally dominated, to totally dominant, to a final complete capitulation?  Bipolar. A couple of days later we meekly lost to a shite Aberdeen side and a proper online meltdown ensued: “United are fucked without Craig Levein.”  “Assistants never make good managers.”  It was a worrying time.  I was blitzed in the DCA on teachers new year when I saw a copy of the Tully saying Levein had left for the Scotland job and was inconsolable.  In hindsight the biggest worry from this period was when Stephen Thompson tried to appoint a speccy boy from Ireland and leaked it to the press.  Pat Fenlon looked like he’d shat himself when the tv camera was pointed in his face, or maybe it was Jim Spence’s reputation in the Kirkton Huns going even wider than he could possibly have imagined.  Either way, it was the baldy snakes first public fuck-up and certainly wasn’t to be his last.

Jan 9^th 2010: Touched by the hand of God

A really mild January day in Dundee and a stag do.  An early afternoon spent in the audience at Off-the-Ball which was being held at my work; Baldragon Academy which had a great radio studio (still does) courtesy of winning the right to be the BBC Radio Scotland Soundtown for 2008-09 followed by a game of fives at the Douglas Centre in the afternoon and a game of poker, a pizza and a piss-up for everyone at night (apart from the groom actually, who’s a tee-totaller).  The scar of Ibrox was still wide open.  I had no interest in what was going on in a freezing Glasgow (never!) as United lined up to play Partick Thistle.  Honestly, I thought we’d get beat and just wanted to enjoy the day. By half 10, I knew the final score when Sportscene came on and was delighted that we’d won but something surprised me.  We’d got the most blatantly obvious decision at Firhill since… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKuLtLXl7FI .  It was a mammoth stroke of luck according to a very bitter Ian McCall (och awa). Another thing stuck out though. Someone watching the game commented early on about Craig Conway being shite.  I just thought he was ‘Meh’.  However, 20 minutes of highlights later I was starting to question this a wee bit. Conway terrorised the pish out of their right back (Paul Paton LOL). Two weeks later, we lined up to play a decent Hibs team.  Houston was still in a job after two wins but it still felt like we were just waiting on the decline.  And then it happened.  The shackles were off:

Swanson----------Buaben---------Gomis-----------Conway

--------------Daly-------------------Goodwillie 

Craig Brown said on Sportscene that when Dundee United play that front six they are unstoppable. Unstoppable. Cup winning unstoppable?

15^th May 2010: I got a feeling (It’s called the flu)

I’m lucky I made it to Hampden.  But United weren’t lucky because United were fucking shit-hot.  Shit-hot playing 4-4-2 with 2 wingers, 2 great all-round central midfielders, and a little and large combination up front. No number 10, no false 9, no inverted wingers, no holding midfielders, no Tiki-Taka, no hands over their mouths when they are speaking, no fucking VAR.  No, pure Mike Bassett.  Well, pure Baldy Shagger actually. I had a really lucky escape in the car pulling out from the ‘McDonalds junction’ at Forfar and almost being hit by a lorry on the Friday morning.  Daydreaming.  Daydreaming about jumping about in the Brae’s on a Sunday morning when Jimmy Gomis and Kovacevic deservedly rescued United from being cheated to fuck by a Hun with a whistle at Ibrox then getting pished after it. Remember how I said earlier that in the 7-1 game we could have got back into it at 3-1 down??? It just shows you.  The character of that team to pick themselves up off the floor after the 7-1 and prevent history repeating itself.  I knew. I can’t be the only one that knew.  Our name was on the cup.  The replay was one of the best nights I’ve had as a United fan.  It was a throwback to my childhood.  Second replay’s against Aberdeen. A full Tannadice under the lights.  A United team that you knew wasn’t just capable of sneaking a win against Rangers or Celtic on a one-off, but one that at full strength could go toe-to-toe with them on a regular basis.  Am I the only one who stopped for what seemed like about 10 seconds after it hit off David Robertson and went in (to look at the ref)?  The next bit?  Orgasmic.  Daydreaming about orgasmic United moments the day before a cup final almost leads to fatal consequences.  Or it could just be that I was absolutely fucked with the most evil cold/flu/chest infection ever and was searching for a hankie whilst I was driving.  The cup final was ace.  Best day out I’ve had as a United fan.  Obviously 1994 tops it for the joy of seeing us finally win the cup (I missed the goal in the pie queue) but I was only 15 and wasn’t allowed a drink and my night of celebration consisted of hanging about with the Lochee Fleet at the ABC Park hoping to cadge a can.  Not that memorable.  So, having a full-scale day out with the boys on enough medication and alcohol to make Shaun Ryder laugh at how little medication and alcohol I was on compared to him back in the day.  One of those lads is sadly not here anymore.  It’s always painted on my mind.  He never looked happier than that day, well other than when he was running marathons in ridiculously fast times.  Life as a United fan was good in those days. The structure that Levein had put in place had set us up for a generation just like Wee Jim had done eh?  What’s an online meltdown?  Is that when the internet goes down?  I was hopelessly in love with Craig Conway.  Still am given my screensaver: